Review: If You Stay by Courtney Cole

• Publisher: Lakehouse Press
• Publication date: 2/12/2013
• Series: Beautifully Broken , #1 
• Source: ARC sent from the author for review

 Purchase: Amazon | B&N 

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole.
Seriously.

He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.

But he’s got his reasons.

His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.

As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade.
So he slipped far, far from it.

Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?
Wrong.

And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.
Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe.

When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.

But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.

He knows that. And he’s working on it.

But is that enough to make her stay?

My Thoughts

Wow!! This book just jumps right into things and it continues the awesomeness all the way through. Now I am ashamed that I have not read Courtney Cole's other books because her writing is so fabulous. Now that I know that I am going to have to get all of her books!! This book tackles some very serious issues. It does not hold back. It's raw, emotional, sexy, and amazing!! It's a hard journey for Mila and Pax, but it makes them so much more believable and real. You want the best for both of them. You understand both sides. That is one of the things I love most about dual POV's. You really get to know each person on a deeper level since you get to be in their head. Mila and Pax seem so different at first, but they really have a lot in common, and have a lot of hurt from their pasts.

Mila is  a pretty strait edge type of girl. She's an artist and sees the beauty in life around her. She paints, and takes pictures and sells them in her shop. Her parents died a few years ago in an accident and now it's just her and her sister. She is very strong, but also closed off. If she doesn't open herself up, she can't be hurt. When she meets Pax, he is far from the type of person she would ever be involved with, but she can't help thinking about him. She lets him in as he tries to prove himself and she is able to let the real her out and be free. She knows that she really cares about Pax, but when he keeps doing things that make her have doubts about him and where things stand with them, she refuses to just let it slide. I love that she is very in charge of herself and their relationship. It's not to say that it doesn't hurt, but she is smart enough to do what she needs to. What is not only the best for her, but for Pax too.

Pax is more than the typical broken bad boy. He is truly a bad boy when we meet him. Literally messed up on drugs and engaging in sexual acts that mean nothing to him. He uses drugs and sex as an escape from his life. As a way to numb himself so he doesn't have to feel. I won't even tell you he's not a total ass at first because he is, but as you learn more about him and you see that he's really trying to be a better person, you can't help but fall for him right along with Mila. He has a lot of skeletons in his closet, a lot of hurt, hate, and regret in his head. It's really tearing him apart inside. Mila makes it better for him, but it's not easy to just totally change who you are. He really needs to prove himself and learn that he needs to trust Mila, just as she needs to trust him.

This story is just really amazing. You are taking a very broken person and giving him a second chance. Giving someone who is terrified of being hurt again the ability to open up and give love a shot again, even if you know that it might end up in heartbreak. Mila and Pax have to put their faith and trust in each other and work hard for their relationship, but that's what makes it so good. It's hard, but also sweet, fun, and sexy. The hard things make the good things so worth it. It's a love that is raw and deep. One that is flawed, but is worth every pain and hardship that they go through. I wanted so much for them to not break things to the point they couldn't fix it. The emotions this brought out of me were incredible!! I am now a total fan girl over Courtney Cole and will be reading more of her books for sure!!